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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

tenuous

by tenuous

/
1.
jerry 03:00
jerry is a simile. a tree without bark, flogged by harsh gusts. jerry is a one-winged bumblebee collecting disability checks. jerry is a shoelace sans aglet, slips through the tightest holes. a stimulus package wrapped in cellophane. a dirty vein-hopper leaking blood and opiates. a train-track hobo with holes in his shoes. jerry is more profound than the deepest ocean. a marianas trench of knowledge, vast and unfathomable. jerry is a retired basketball player doing supplement commercials. jerry is a wal-mart swiss cheese sampler plate. a santa without a clause. a demoralized denizen known to many, but known by none. a high tide surfer without a wetsuit. jerry is a simile. anomalous and enigmatic. jerry cuts through the droning white noise. jerry is a dockworker who dreams of befriending a seal. jerry is a pushpin art exhibition. jerry is a potpourrie enthusiast that has lost his sense of smell. a gambler who doesn't know when to quit. a cigarette damp from the rain, but perhaps still smokable. a thief in the night, a whisper on the wind. jerry is not good enough. jerry never has been. will i ever be good enough? will i ever be good enough for you? i am not jerry. i have no such accolades to my name. i am not jerry. i am boring. i am plain. i am inconsequential. i will exist and then be gone. none of this will matter. none of what i feel matters. we are all alone. we are all going to die alone. no one will remember you. no one will remember me. years will pass and we will be sucked into obscurity. none of this will matter. none of what i feel matters. none of what i think matters. none of what i do matters. i can change. i can make a difference. i can be different. i can make a change. i can change the world. i can go down in history. but do i want to? i don't know. i don't know about any of this. i'm sure jerry would know, but i don't know about any of this. i don't want to be here anymore. i don't want to keep going.
2.
interruption 02:12
3.
4.
words 00:34
i hate you i love you i hate myself
5.
canvas 02:24
6.
7.
six 01:49
8.
blue socks 05:09
she looked me in the eyes and said, “I don’t hate you anymore.” i looked her in the eyes and said, “you should.” then we sat and stared at each other. i was the one to turn away. i always am. sometimes it feels like i’m only alive because i’m too scared to die. other times, not so much. i am an inconvenience. i am a fraud. a liar. a poison. a disease. an outsider. alone. forever. is this what i’ve become? is this all i’ll ever be? can i make a breakthrough? can i find the key? i just want to be myself again. i love all of you. you mean the world to me. please be patient. i am trying. i will be there for you one day.

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age 19

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released November 5, 2017

reinier potgieter

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tenuous New York, New York

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